Is this paragraph properly written?

Answer by Candace Vianna:

I pretty much agree with the majority on this one, but here’s another punctuation trick to consider.

On  the way to his car, Dan analyzed what the man had said: The  warehouse was  occupied on Wednesdays and Thursdays. But the Buffalo  murder occurred  on a Saturday, and Sarah Johnson was killed on a  Monday. That meant  Drake could have committed the murders and made  the videos, so he was  still a suspect.

The question as a writer, is whether or not the sentence is conveying what you want. Did the man at the warehouse say all of the above? Or just that the warehouse had been occupied on Wed. and Thur., and what followed was Dan’s thought processes. The original punctuation does not make this clear. By putting a full stop after Thur. This changes the entire context of the following sentence. Since I don’t know what your intent was, I don’t know if this helps. Other than that, the second sentence in it’s original state is a run-on sentence and needs to be broken up.

Is this paragraph properly written?

Talk to me, dammit!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s