Kitchen Chemistry, My accidentally awesome fish bisque

Last night, after another long day spent editing “Dead Dwight,” my family asked repeatedly (four times… one for each mouth,) “Do we have a dinner plan?”

For some reason they ask this every night, and since the answer’s always “No,” you’d think they’d know better. Now, for those of you who who don’t know me, I’m not exactly what you’d call a domestic goddess, so as usual, dinner became a chemistry experiment (minus the scientific method)  where I combined whatever I found laying around in a way that was hopefully non-toxic.

After finding a couple bags of fossilized fish fillets (pollack and flounder) dating back to the ice age getting ready to take over my freezer like ‘The Thing’ in Antarctica, I reckoned it best use them. And since I also had cream leftover from Christmas in the fridge that was getting ready to stand on its own (I’d planned on making the cream brulee—don’t ask.) I decided to make fish bisque.

Now here’s the really awesome part… It was actually good! I know right. It was so good I’ve decided to share the recipe (Now as noted earlier, I didn’t use proper scientific method; in other words I didn’t measure shit. So quantities are more or less guess-estimates:)

Fish/Seafood Bisque:

1 can each: Condensed Cream of Celery and Condensed Cream of Mushroom soup

1-10 oz Canned clams (do not drain… use liquid)

A couple pounds of frozen boneless fish fillets (you could probably add crab, shrimp or other shellfish if you wanted, but since my hunk of burning man love tends to react badly to that stuff, I avoid them.)

Several Cloves of minced or pressed Garlic (I actually used a garlic press instead of mincing)

A couple-few cups each of Cream and Cream Sherry to taste (I also tossed in some unnecessary saki because it was just lying around. Science is cool.)

Fresh Green Onions

Fresh Parsley



Whole Fresh Mushrooms


Toss all the canned stuff in your pot (open them first, use the contents, smart ass…) Add garlic, cream, 1/2 sherry, green onions, parsley and fish. Simmer on low heat until fish is flaky . Stir occasionally so the cream doesn’t scorch. Lightly saute mushrooms in butter, (reserve butter) then add pot. Toss a fist-full of flour in reserved butter, cook over low heat creating a rue. Add the remaining sherry to the rue then stir into the bisque to thicken as needed. Season to taste with (more sherry if needed) Tabasco/ and or Worcestershire. Serve with salad and garlic bread.

Hey we all lived…

Talk to me, dammit!

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