The following rant is a literary exercise in profanity. It is an attempt at the artful use of foul language. And, although it was not written with the intent to offend, it is offensive. Consider yourselves warned: NSFW
Today’s America chaps my ass. Yeah, I said it. And all you haters out there— Fuck off! Blindly shouting how great we are isn’t patriotic, it’s a steaming pile of stupidity that the world’s tired of hearing. A real patriot in a representative democracy steps up and participates. And as a member of the electorate, you have a responsibility to make informed choices. It means getting off your hypocritical ass and doing your fucking homework. It means fact-checking the yellow journalist ass-munchers on cable T.V. Even our Congressmen and Senators—especially our Congressmen and Senators—fucking ineffectual dipsticks—
and not falling for the Rushes and Hannitys and Imus’ scare tactics (better yet turn them off.) It means getting your head out of your rectum and thinking for yourselves. I know for some of you, it’s been a while, but you can do this (so, I’m an optimist.)
Yes, taking that red pill is fucking scary. It means leaving the comfort of the partisan echo chamber and taking an unbiased look at our nation. Whether you’re conservative or liberal… I really don’t give a shit. We can agree to disagree. But those disagreements should be based on facts, not spin. We don’t need the lies and scare tactics. We can disagree as a matter of conscience (you’re allowed to be fucking wrong.) But regardless of our personal values, we have a responsibility—a patriotic duty—to seek the unvarnished truth.
Unfortunately, the unvarnished truth is getting crushed under the weight of special interest ass-hats, moral majority cocksuckers, left and right wing-nuts, and the lunatic-fucking-fringe. By fuckwit-assjackers out there celebrating some wholesome-pie, bullshit, alternative reality …. (Seriously Joni? Go back to mutilating porcine genitalia, and quit wasting my fucking time. You were supposed to be delivering the official fucking GOP response to the annual State of the Union Address—Yeah, the speech you said you’d rather not respond to, you… fighting not to succumb to vitriolic name calling…)
Then there’s the entire state of Arizona wanting to reminisce about America’s ‘golden years rather than deal with today’s problems. Back when we had yet to lose a war—Yeah baby, remember when we were the biggest motherfucking dog on the motherfucking block. That’s right people, and we proved it by dropping a shit-ton nuclear nightmare on a civilian population, not once, but twice. I know that makes me proud-Not.
That fucking bitch, June Cleaver was on T.V. showing us what failures we were as wives and mothers, and all you needed to get ahead was a strong work ethic (pity that’s no longer true. Hell, it might not have been true then.)
“Yes,” they say with glassy eyed nostalgia. “Things were different back then.”
They forget that a lot of things were wrong back then as well: like putting our citizens into fucking concentration camps (that concentration camps were ever built on American soil boggles my mind. What the fuck were they thinking? And why did we let them get away with it? Yeah, yeah… quit rubbing Gitmo in my face; I didn’t vote for the dickwads that started that mess, but at least it isn’t in our backyards,) bombing Japanese cities into oblivion, McCarthyism, and institutionalized oppression (okay fixing some of that shit is still on the todo list.)
And I have to agree it was nice having a functioning government. But I’m convinced one of the reasons we did have a functioning government, was because back then, professional ethics actually mattered. The media held themselves to a higher standard. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line they lost their way. And I think public discourse is long over due for an overhaul.
“Wait!” you scream. “You can’t touch the media! You can’t put limits on public discourse, you traitorous fucking cunt! (since you’re probably too polite to say the c-word out loud, I did it for you—you’re welcome.) You can’t interfere with free speech and the freedom of the press!”
Okay, cud-fuckers just put away your pitchforks (I won’t tell you where) and hear me out.
Let’s start with our public watchdogs, the Fourth Estate, commonly referred to as the press or as I like to call the most egregious of them: the cock-sucking-corporate-butt-fucking-whores. You know, the ones we go to for the truth like virgins on prom-nite. Because we to trust them, we believe it isn’t really fucking if it’s only the tip when they say so.
A free press is important. We count on them to keep the fucktards—I mean our political and business leaders honest. And because they control a good deal of our electoral information and inform us on the government’s day to day shenanigans… I mean business, they get special constitutional protections.
I don’t have a problem with that. I think that’s great. In fact, I’d like to see media protections expanded. Members of the Fourth Estate need federal protection against SLAPP lawsuits. Due to the unique role they play in safeguarding the public’s interests, lawsuits brought against them should have to meet a minimum legal standard before it can be filed. I would also like to see the FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) expanded to include PACs and corporate political activities as well (I don’t care what you say, corporations aren’t motherfucking people, and sure as fuck aren’t citizens. So until they can be incarcerated for their sins, they have no business putting skeezy fingerprints all over our shiny new bills. And lest we forget, the reason they were given pseudo-entity status in the first place, was so they could be sued—funny how things work out.)
But on the flip side, in exchange for these protections, what constitutes the Fourth Estate needs to be clearly defined and ethical standards similar to the SPJ Code of Ethics need to be required, not just encouraged.
I’m not saying anyone not meeting these standards should be shut down. If you want to spew idiocy and conspiracy theories over the airways or projectile vomit hate on the internet, go for it, but don’t expect to lie with impunity.
Freedom of expression doesn’t mean expression without limits. The Supreme Court has already established that with public speech comes certain responsibilities, and I believe those who don’t live up to those responsibilities shouldn’t get special privileges.
Why is this important? Stop and think. This is about protecting the heart of our democracy, how we choose who’s writing our laws and setting public policy. So when a bunch of felching spin-doctors, parading as journalists infect the body politic with lies, half-truths and innuendo more insidious than an STD, our democracy sickens and dies. Remember that whole Swift Boat character assassination campaign? The false allegations changed the outcome of a presidential election. And don’t get me started on the Birthers—fucking stains.
Democracy isn’t democracy when it’s built on lies. Propaganda needs to be identified for the poison it is (and not just with a flash of fine print too hard read.) And don’t even bother with the ‘it’s only my opinion’ bullshit argument… Expressing opinions based on personal values and beliefs is different from spreading false allegations (A.K.A. lies) to gain support for your position, you leg-humping troll.
Because regardless of your opinion, factual misrepresentation is in fact, lying. And when you do that, you’re infringing on the public’s freedom to make informed choices (death panels anyone? Until you can show me where in the ACA the words ‘death panels’ are written, it’s a fucking misrepresentation of public policy.)
And if you want to engage in public speech as I’m doing now, you have a responsibility to go to reliable resources and CHECK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FACTS!
Otherwise, (IMHO) you’re a fucking tool.
And when you misspeak—when, not if—have the fucking balls to own up to it, and the decency to make things right. We’ll forgive you. We all have moments of stupidity (Like publishing a profanity laced rant that was way too much fun to write.)
The Fourth Estate has a public trust. They can—no, they do… control our elections and influence public policy. As such, they have an obligation to set aside corporate agendas and personal views and present factual content accurately, with fairness and integrity.
Unfortunately, I believe they aren’t meeting this obligation and feel (okay, this is just my motherfucking opinion—see how hard was that) we need some means of holding them accountable. I feel there should be consequences for betraying the public trust. Public stoning works for me. But if you feel that’s a bit extreme, let’s hold the individuals setting unethical editorial policy personally libel and protect individuals when they stand up to them. Let’s have real penalties—weekends spent picking up roadside trash for the next seven years instead of some piddly-ass fine they can write off on their taxes (if an unethical jiz-sucking cockroach decides to fuck over the public trust, the rule of reciprocity should apply. We owe it to them and ourselves to see that they get a proper fucking in return.)
And that is just my humble opinion.
God that felt good.